Your phone is probably within arm's reach right now. It might even be between you and your partner as you read this. That proximity -- and the pull it exerts on our attention -- is quietly reshaping how romantic relationships function.
We combed through research from Pew Research Center, the Gottman Institute, and peer-reviewed journals like Computers in Human Behavior and the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships to compile the most comprehensive, source-verified collection of statistics on how phones and social media are affecting couples. Every number below links to the original study.
The picture is not entirely bleak. But it is more serious than most people realize.
Phone Use During Quality Time
The most fundamental question is simple: how much are couples actually on their phones when they are together? The answer, based on recent research, is more than you might expect.
According to Pew Research Center's study on dating and relationships in the digital age, roughly half of partnered adults say their significant other is at least sometimes distracted by their cellphone while they are trying to have a conversation. Four in ten are bothered by how much time their partner spends on their device.
A 2025 study published in Human Behavior and Emerging Technologies used objective phone tracking data -- not self-reports -- and found that people used their smartphones during 27% of the time they spent around their partner, with 86% using their phones every day while around their partner.
The age gap matters. Pew found that 18% of partnered adults ages 18-49 say they are often bothered by their partner's phone use, compared with just 6% of those ages 50 and older. And the gender divide is striking: women are twice as likely as men to report being often bothered by their partner's screen time (16% vs. 8%).
Key takeaway: Phone distraction during couple time is not a niche complaint. It is a majority experience. And the people most affected -- younger adults and women -- are also the ones least likely to feel heard about it.
Phubbing: When Your Phone Snubs Your Partner
"Phubbing" -- a portmanteau of "phone" and "snubbing" -- describes the act of ignoring someone in your presence in favor of your smartphone. The term was coined in 2012, and in the years since, researchers have accumulated substantial evidence that it is damaging relationships at scale.
The foundational study on partner phubbing was published by James Roberts and Meredith David in Computers in Human Behavior (2016). Their paper, memorably titled "My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone," found that partner phubbing has a direct negative impact on relationship satisfaction, mediated by increased conflict over phone use. The effect was stronger for people with anxious attachment styles.
Brandon McDaniel's research at Penn State introduced the concept of "technoference" -- everyday technology interruptions in couple interactions. His 2015 study published in Psychology of Popular Media Culture found that about 70% of women reported technology frequently interfering in their interactions with their partner. Those who reported more technoference also reported more conflict, lower relationship satisfaction, more depressive symptoms, and lower life satisfaction.
A 2025 meta-analysis published in Frontiers in Psychology synthesized the accumulated research and confirmed that partner phubbing negatively affects relationship satisfaction, marital satisfaction, romantic relationship quality, intimacy, and responsiveness.
The Gottman Connection: Bids and Turning Away
The Gottman Institute's research on "bids for connection" provides a powerful framework for understanding why phubbing is so corrosive. A bid is any attempt -- verbal or nonverbal -- to connect with your partner. Looking up from the couch and saying "look at this sunset" is a bid. Reaching for your partner's hand is a bid.
Gottman's research found that couples who stayed together turned toward each other's bids 86% of the time. Couples who later divorced? Just 33%. Every time you reach for your phone instead of responding to your partner, you are "turning away" from a bid -- and the damage accumulates.
Put the Phone Down. Pick Your Partner Up.
Connected helps couples practice daily check-ins that rebuild the habit of turning toward each other -- no scrolling required.
Download Connected FreeSocial Media Jealousy in Relationships
Social media platforms are designed to keep us engaged. An unfortunate side effect: they also give us unprecedented visibility into our partner's social interactions, creating new vectors for jealousy and insecurity.
According to Pew Research Center, 23% of partnered adults whose significant other uses social media say they have felt jealous or unsure about their relationship because of how their partner interacts with others online. Among younger adults ages 18-29, that number jumps to 34%.
The gender gap is notable: 29% of women report social media-related jealousy compared to 17% of men. And the marital status divide is even sharper -- 37% of unmarried partners report social media jealousy, compared with 17% of married people.
Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by David and Roberts (2021) found that partner phubbing directly predicted romantic jealousy, and that attachment anxiety moderated this effect. People who already fear abandonment feel the sting of a partner's phone use more acutely.
A 2025 study on attachment anxiety and relationship satisfaction confirmed that social media jealousy at a given time was negatively associated with relationship satisfaction one year later -- meaning the damage is not just momentary but cumulative.
Why it matters: Social media jealousy is not just about insecurity or "being crazy." The platforms are literally designed to display social interactions in ways that invite monitoring and comparison. The feeling is a predictable response to the environment, not a character flaw. Recognizing this can help couples have more productive conversations about boundaries. For more, see our guide on relationship red flags vs. green flags.
Social Comparison and Relationship Satisfaction
Scroll through any social media feed and you will see curated highlight reels of other people's relationships -- the vacation photos, the anniversary posts, the perfectly staged date nights. The question is whether this constant exposure to idealized versions of other couples' lives affects how people feel about their own.
Research says yes.
A study on relationship social comparisons on Facebook published in Computers in Human Behavior found that viewing "upward comparison" profiles -- couples who appeared to have better relationships -- led participants to report lower relationship satisfaction, lower commitment, and reduced happiness compared to viewing "downward comparison" profiles.
Research from Iowa State University on relationship social comparisons in both dating and married couples found that the direction of social comparison (upward vs. downward) had indirect effects on relationship satisfaction, commitment, life satisfaction, and happiness -- for both groups.
There is a cruel irony here. Pew Research found that 48% of adults ages 18-29 consider social media very or somewhat important for showing how much they care about their partner. The same platforms people use to publicly validate their relationships are the ones quietly undermining them through comparison.
This is where the concept of "highlight reel vs. real life" becomes more than a platitude. Reconnecting with your actual partner -- the imperfect, unfiltered version -- requires deliberately stepping outside the comparison trap that social media creates.
Phone Snooping and Trust
One of the more uncomfortable statistics in relationship research is how many people secretly go through their partner's phone -- and how strongly they believe it is wrong.
According to Pew Research Center, 34% of partnered adults have looked through their partner's cellphone without that person's knowledge. Yet 70% of Americans say this behavior is rarely or never acceptable. That gap -- between what people do and what they believe is right -- tells a story about how digital devices have created new anxiety in relationships.
The gender and age breakdowns are notable. Women are significantly more likely to have snooped (42% vs. 25% of men), and younger adults are most likely of all, with 52% of those ages 18-29 having checked their partner's phone.
By contrast, 75% of partnered adults share their cellphone passwords with their partner, suggesting that for many couples, transparency is the norm. But the gap between those who share passwords (75%) and those who still snoop (34%) suggests that having access is not always the same as having trust.
What the data suggests: Phone snooping is often a symptom, not a cause. It typically points to underlying anxiety about the relationship, unresolved trust issues, or communication patterns that need attention. Understanding your communication style can help surface what's driving the impulse.
Build Trust Through Better Conversations
Connected's daily questions help couples practice the kind of open, honest communication that makes phone snooping unnecessary.
Try Connected FreeSocial Media and Infidelity
Social media has not invented infidelity. But it has made certain types of boundary-crossing easier, more accessible, and harder to define. The lines between "catching up with an old friend" and "emotional affair" have become blurrier in the age of DMs and private messages.
According to Pew Research Center, 53% of social media users have used these platforms to check up on someone they used to date or be in a relationship with. This is not inherently harmful, but it does keep past relationships accessible in a way that prior generations never experienced.
The Institute for Family Studies has explored how digital media is complicating how couples define infidelity. What counts as "cheating" now includes a spectrum of behaviors -- from liking an ex's photos to maintaining secret messaging threads to full emotional affairs conducted entirely online.
In a national sample of married adults, the Institute for Family Studies found widespread agreement that online emotional relationships can constitute infidelity. And research consistently shows that 64% of couples consider emotional affairs to be as damaging -- or more so -- than physical ones.
The challenge for modern couples is that social media creates what researchers call "ambient intimacy" -- a low-level, ongoing awareness of other people's lives that can feel like genuine closeness. A partner who is having frequent late-night message exchanges with someone may genuinely believe it is "just friendship" while their partner recognizes the emotional energy being redirected away from the relationship.
This is not about policing your partner's friendships. It is about recognizing that digital platforms create opportunities for connection that did not exist before -- and that couples need to have explicit conversations about boundaries rather than assuming they are on the same page.
Screen Time and Intimacy
What happens when the phone follows you into the bedroom? The research paints a clear -- and concerning -- picture.
The Institute for Family Studies published research showing that couples who experience phone distractions are about 70% less likely than other couples to report being "very happy" with their marriage. The perceived odds of future divorce are four times higher among couples with phone problems.
Two factors appear to drive this connection: less sex and fewer date nights. Among couples experiencing phone-related problems, fewer than half report having sex once a week or more, and about one in five report no sexual activity in the past 12 months.
Research from a study on technology usage and love satisfaction found that approximately 25% of partnered adults feel their partner's technology use interferes with their sexual relationship. The bedroom -- once a shared, screen-free refuge -- has increasingly become a space divided by two people staring at separate glowing rectangles.
A daily diary study on technology interruptions found that on days when people experienced more technology interruptions during couple interactions, they reported worse mood, more frustration, and lower relationship satisfaction. The effects were not just about big conflicts -- they were the accumulation of small, daily moments of disconnection.
The Compounding Effect of Small Disconnections
None of these individual moments -- a glance at a notification during dinner, scrolling in bed before sleep, checking email during a walk -- seems catastrophic in isolation. But researchers describe a "compounding effect" where these micro-disconnections accumulate over weeks and months.
McDaniel's technoference research shows that the relationship between technology interruptions and relationship dissatisfaction is mediated by increased conflict. In other words: the phone does not just reduce quality time. It creates friction. And friction, left unaddressed, becomes resentment.
Replace Screen Time with Connection Time
Connected's weekly check-ins give couples a structured reason to put phones away and actually talk about what matters. Five minutes, once a week, with guided prompts.
Start Your First Check-InPositive Uses of Technology in Relationships
The research on phones and relationships is not all bad news. Technology also creates meaningful opportunities for connection, particularly when couples are intentional about how they use it.
According to Pew Research Center, 75% of partnered adults share their cellphone passwords, and 62% share email passwords. This baseline of digital transparency suggests that most couples have found a workable framework for trust around devices.
Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that text messaging is linked with higher relationship satisfaction in long-distance relationships specifically. Responsive texting -- not just the quantity, but the quality of digital communication -- predicted stronger feelings of closeness and connection.
When Technology Helps
- Staying connected during separation. For long-distance couples or partners with different work schedules, messaging, voice notes, and video calls provide crucial bridges between in-person time.
- Coordinating daily life. Shared calendars, grocery lists, and logistics messaging reduces the "mental load" friction that often falls disproportionately on one partner.
- Sharing experiences in real time. Sending a partner a photo of something funny during the day, or a song that made you think of them, is a modern form of Gottman's "bids for connection."
- Accessing relationship resources. Couples apps, guided conversations, quizzes, and relationship education materials are more accessible than ever before.
- Maintaining transparency. Shared passwords, location sharing (when consensual), and open communication about online activity can build trust rather than erode it.
The key distinction researchers identify is not whether couples use technology, but how. Using technology to connect with your partner strengthens relationships. Using technology instead of connecting with your partner damages them.
What Couples Can Do: Evidence-Based Strategies
The research points toward a consistent set of strategies that help couples manage the impact of phones and social media on their relationships.
1. Create Phone-Free Zones and Times
Given that phone distraction is linked with significantly lower marital happiness, establishing specific times and spaces where phones are not present is one of the highest-impact changes couples can make. The bedroom and the dinner table are the most commonly recommended phone-free zones. Even 30 minutes of fully present conversation each day can shift the dynamic.
2. Understand (and Respond to) Bids for Connection
The Gottman Institute's research on bids shows that the 86% vs. 33% turning-toward rate is what separates lasting couples from those who divorce. Start noticing when your partner makes a bid -- a comment about their day, a question, a touch -- and practice putting the phone down to respond.
3. Talk About Social Media Boundaries Explicitly
Because 23% of partnered adults report social media jealousy, couples benefit from having direct conversations about what feels comfortable online -- interactions with exes, private messaging with others, what gets shared publicly about the relationship. Assumptions create conflict. Explicit conversations prevent it.
4. Use Structured Check-Ins
One of the most effective buffers against technology-driven disconnection is a regular, structured check-in where both partners put devices away and talk about how the relationship is going. Research consistently links regular relationship conversations with higher satisfaction and faster recovery from disconnection.
5. Monitor Your Own Behavior First
Before addressing your partner's phone habits, examine your own. The objective phone use study found that most people underestimate their own screen time around their partner. Try tracking your actual usage for a week before starting a conversation about it.
6. Replace Passive Scrolling with Active Connection
The research makes a clear distinction between using technology passively (scrolling feeds, watching videos alone) and using it actively (messaging your partner, planning shared activities, learning together). When you catch yourself reaching for a mindless scroll, ask whether a five-minute conversation with your partner might actually feel better.
"The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. And the quality of your attention determines the quality of your relationships."
Sources and Methodology
Every statistic in this article is sourced from peer-reviewed research or nationally representative survey data. Key sources include:
- Pew Research Center: Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age (2020) -- nationally representative survey of 4,860 U.S. adults
- McDaniel (2025): Objective Phone Use During Time with One's Partner -- Human Behavior and Emerging Technologies
- Roberts & David (2016): Partner Phubbing and Relationship Satisfaction -- Computers in Human Behavior
- McDaniel & Coyne (2016): Technoference -- Psychology of Popular Media Culture
- Gottman Institute: Bids for Connection
- Institute for Family Studies: More Scrolling, More Marital Problems
- Meta-Analysis of Partner Phubbing (2025) -- Frontiers in Psychology
- Holtzman et al. (2021): Long-Distance Texting -- Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
Statistics are reported as published in the original studies. Where survey dates differ from publication dates, we have noted the survey period. All links were verified as of March 2026.