Premarital Questions Workbook

Talk about habits and expectations without assuming that one way of managing money is the only responsible choice. Do not write account numbers or passwords here.

Example

"I am comfortable with separate personal spending, but I want us to agree on any ongoing cost that changes what we can afford together."

1. What did I learn about money growing up, and what do I want to do differently?
2. How do I imagine handling shared bills, personal spending and financial privacy?
3. Which financial decisions do I think require a conversation first?

Answer separately, then take turns sharing. The PDF has writing space for Partner A and Partner B.

Discuss the noticing, arranging and follow-up behind household tasks as well as the visible work. Include different work hours, health needs and care commitments.

Example

"Owning laundry means noticing supplies and putting clothes away, not only starting the machine. Let's define the task before splitting it."

1. What does a comfortable, workable home look like to me?
2. How do I imagine sharing tasks, planning and care responsibilities?
3. If one person has less time or capacity, how should we revisit the division?

Answer separately, then take turns sharing. The PDF has writing space for Partner A and Partner B.

Being a couple does not mean every family expectation becomes a shared obligation. Talk about what you each value and where a joint decision would affect both people.

Example

"I want to see my family over the holidays, and I also want some quiet time for us. Could we compare the whole calendar before committing?"

1. Which family traditions or relationships do I most want to make room for?
2. How should we decide about holidays, visits and requests for help?
3. What privacy or time-alone expectations matter to me?

Answer separately, then take turns sharing. The PDF has writing space for Partner A and Partner B.

Do not assume you already know the answer. Some differences affect major life choices and cannot be solved by promising to persuade the other person later.

Example

"I am uncertain about becoming a parent. I want that uncertainty understood rather than treated as an eventual yes."

1. What do I currently want or not want regarding children or parenting? What remains uncertain?
2. What caregiving responsibilities might affect our lives, and what support do we imagine?
3. How would we discuss a major change in health, work or location?

Answer separately, then take turns sharing. The PDF has writing space for Partner A and Partner B.

Discuss how you want to handle ordinary disagreement and how you each experience care. Marriage does not remove the need for consent, privacy or outside friendships.

Example

"I want us to ask before assuming touch is comforting when someone is upset. Sometimes I need a quiet conversation first."

1. When we disagree, what helps me stay respectful and what tells me I need a pause?
2. What kinds of affection and attention help me feel connected?
3. When might I want support from friends, individual counseling or couples counseling?

Answer separately, then take turns sharing. The PDF has writing space for Partner A and Partner B.

Imagine a few ordinary days in your future rather than only a wedding or a major milestone. Notice the values behind each picture.

Example

"I value staying close to friends; you value trying life in a new city. Before deciding, we need to understand what each option would give and cost us."

1. What would a satisfying ordinary week look like to me in a few years?
2. Which personal interests or ambitions do I want to keep room for?
3. How should we approach a big decision when we initially want different things?

Answer separately, then take turns sharing. The PDF has writing space for Partner A and Partner B.

You do not need to finish with everything resolved. Write what you learned and what needs another conversation or qualified advice.

No total score, pass mark or promise is needed. A useful outcome is a clearer understanding of what each person is choosing.